Saturday, November 16, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
It's interesting to find one's self in a predicament that is almost identical to where one was two years ago. Almost two years ago exactly. And exactly identical, really. What would have happened if we had "stuck to our guns" when the original mess occurred not so long ago? If we had continued on the road that was uncomfortable yet also brought a sense of peace? We didn't. We chose the comfortable, familiar road. Because we could. Because it was offered to us. And we went back. Years go by so quickly, it doesn't seem like it's been two years, but it has. And here we are again. And what will we chose this time, if comfort and familiarity are offered back to us? I don't know... We say that we wouldn't go back.
Change is usually good for us. Not always, but usually. It's usually something that will make us better, stronger, etc... so why do we want to resist it? Why is it so terrifying? I like change, in a way, because it's exciting. But it's not easy. It takes up so much space in my mind. I am not the sort of person who likes not having a plan. In other words, I am the sort of person who LIKES a plan. I'm a planner. Not always a follow-through-er, but a planner nonetheless. So when I don't have a plan, or I don't know whats coming, it's a bit stressful. Too much change, all at once, when I have too much going on already.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
I googled my title quote just now, I wanted to see what the rest of it was. I knew it was J.R.R Tolkien, but that's about it. I came across a blog from 2005 (as in, the found post was from 2005, and the last post made was also in 2005). As I read the post, I realized something. Blogs used to be different. They actually used to be journal-ish. I liked that. I remember reading random blogs of people I didn't know just because it was interesting to see what their lives were like. It was kind of like people-watching at the airport (another favorite pastime of mine). I would even bookmark the most interesting. Not saying that there aren't any that are like that any more, just less. Now it seems that blogs are like reference books. At least the ones I happen upon. DIY projects, recipes, how-to's, etc... And there is nothing wrong with that, it's very useful at times. I find lots of cool things and yummy recipes that way. Just an observation that I never thought about before.
Back to traveling. I miss it. I miss the freedom of being able to do it. I shouldn't think about it too much, and I really don't. But just every now and then. A friend started posting pictures of a trip to Paris. It has been fun looking through them and living vicariously through her. When I was younger, I think I just assumed that traveling would automatically be part of my life, forever. I didn't really think about money/job/family/logistics etc. I just assumed it would happen. But it doesn't. You need money. And if you have kids that will be traveling with you, you need LOTS of money. Like, unimaginable amounts. And if you have kids and plan on traveling without them, then that just brings another string of problems and complications. Especially when you have more than one kid. It just doesn't happen. Not big, out-of-the-country type trips. Day-trips, occasionally. One-week-per-year vacation at the beach. Out-of-state trips, very rarely (like once every 4 years). It's ok though. I hope/imagine that one day, when my kids are older, we'll have our chance. But until then, our local little family adventures will have to suffice.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
It's the holiday season again. Happy Halloweeen! And in a month, I will say Happy Thanksgiving... and a month from then I will say Merry Christmas. So I will get them all out of the way now-- HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I don't really feel it yet. I'm trying to. It's been a long year. And I'm not sure if I'm really ready for the holidays without the rest of my family being here. Agh! This is supposed to be NOT gloomy.
- It's been cold, which means we've had fire in the fireplace! Yay! I kept it going all day yesterday, and it was wonderful and cozy. Yesterday was a good day.
- The kids have done several fall crafts in the past few weeks and have been coloring like mad. I like that.
- It's almost time to start listening to Sufjan Stevens' Christmas box set! (ok, ok... I already have once... or twice...)
- The kids and I carved a funny pumpkin last night. Elsie picked the eyes, Marlene the nose, Judah the mouth, and I carved it and added ears. Amos got to watch and make loud noises. The kids took out a blanket and sat in the front yard to watch as I put candles inside. Then I roasted the seeds after they went to sleep -- Yum.
Alright, well this was maybe at least a little redeeming from last time. Either way, the kids are awake now so it's time to go.
Friday, October 19, 2012
I pretend like I have better values than others or mothers I see not taking care of their kids, but really I don't. At the root of me, I just want to take care of myself and no one else. An independent life. Free from responsibility. I've always valued independence. Alone-liness. Not loneliness, just being alone. I liked it, you know, before having kids.
But that's not my life. My life is full of people and little people. No man (or woman) is an island, so they say. So I have to adjust. I have to fight against my nature, which, as I've said, is lazy and self-centered. And it's not easy, most of the time. And sometimes I don't want to fight, and I'll let laundry and dishes pile up. And I'll feel irritated. And I'll have no patience. But thankfully there's little people who need me to keep fighting against myself, so I do. Or I try to.
But I still don't have all the answers. And most of the time, I really don't know what I'm doing.