Friday, October 10, 2014

as the world turns.

Tomorrow marks the first day of the last year of my twenties. I'm not sure how that is possible. I can still remember the day I turned twenty and how badly that freaked me out. The past decade, for me, was filled with pregnancies and babies. Lots of babies. I wonder what my thirties will hold. 30! Ahh. So strange. The way things don't slow down. Time just moves forward, no stopping it. Everyone ages. Everyone dies. It just odd to think about. Death and dying and not existing. At least not existing on this earth. I'm being morbid. But I do think about these things, more than I should.

But I have one more year before I reach the dreaded 3-0. One more pregnancy. One more birth. One more baby. The one that has ruined our perfect boy-girl pattern. But thankfully so-- Ruby will have a friend.

Hearing: Bahamas & the chatter of children
Feeling: Thoughtful, still
Seeing: Amos with a princess frog hat sitting in Ruby's bed looking at books
Smelling: Coffee
Tasting:      ^^^


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

too many irons in the fire.

I wish it were easier to make decisions. There are so many to be made, and I don't know what the "right" one is. Is there even a best decision? Or just lots of "ok" choices, and the end result is just left up to chance and circumstance.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Thursday, May 30, 2013

History Repeats.

It's interesting to find one's self in a predicament that is almost identical to where one was two years ago. Almost two years ago exactly. And exactly identical, really. What would have happened if we had "stuck to our guns" when the original mess occurred not so long ago? If we had continued on the road that was uncomfortable yet also brought a sense of peace? We didn't. We chose the comfortable, familiar road. Because we could. Because it was offered to us. And we went back. Years go by so quickly, it doesn't seem like it's been two years, but it has. And here we are again. And what will we chose this time, if comfort and familiarity are offered back to us? I don't know... We say that we wouldn't go back.

Change is usually good for us. Not always, but usually. It's usually something that will make us better, stronger, etc... so why do we want to resist it? Why is it so terrifying? I like change, in a way, because it's exciting. But it's not easy. It takes up so much space in my mind. I am not the sort of person who likes not having a plan. In other words, I am the sort of person who LIKES a plan. I'm a planner. Not always a follow-through-er, but a planner nonetheless. So when I don't have a plan, or I don't know whats coming, it's a bit stressful. Too much change, all at once, when I have too much going on already.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

not all who wander are lost.

I am a traveler by heart. I have a restless nature, in some ways, I guess. That sort of lifestyle isn't really conductive with 4...or 5... kids. 5 Kids. 5 Small Children. That really is a lot, if we're honest.

I googled my title quote just now, I wanted to see what the rest of it was. I knew it was J.R.R Tolkien, but that's about it. I came across a blog from 2005 (as in, the found post was from 2005, and the last post made was also in 2005). As I read the post, I realized something. Blogs used to be different. They actually used to be journal-ish. I liked that. I remember reading random blogs of people I didn't know just because it was interesting to see what their lives were like. It was kind of like people-watching at the airport (another favorite pastime of mine). I would even bookmark the most interesting. Not saying that there aren't any that are like that any more, just less. Now it seems that blogs are like reference books. At least the ones I happen upon. DIY projects, recipes, how-to's, etc... And there is nothing wrong with that, it's very useful at times. I find lots of cool things and yummy recipes that way. Just an observation that I never thought about before.

Back to traveling. I miss it. I miss the freedom of being able to do it. I shouldn't think about it too much, and I really don't. But just every now and then. A friend started posting pictures of a trip to Paris. It has been fun looking through them and living vicariously through her. When I was younger, I think I just assumed that traveling would automatically be part of my life, forever. I didn't really think about money/job/family/logistics etc. I just assumed it would happen. But it doesn't. You need money. And if you have kids that will be traveling with you, you need LOTS of money. Like, unimaginable amounts. And if you have kids and plan on traveling without them, then that just brings another string of problems and complications. Especially when you have more than one kid. It just doesn't happen. Not big, out-of-the-country type trips. Day-trips, occasionally. One-week-per-year vacation at the beach. Out-of-state trips, very rarely (like once every 4 years). It's ok though. I hope/imagine that one day, when my kids are older, we'll have our chance. But until then, our local little family adventures will have to suffice.